What Is Love????

[bbtgr]

Chapter 1...

On a rainy day.....it was about 5:30pm as the studio was closing for the day since too much rain they can't do any scenes outdoors...

I stepped out of my dressing room to find KW walking up towards my direction. His face was stressful...unhappy....

"Hey..." we greeted each other....

"Mei Ling....I..."

"I'm not catching a ride with you today...." I cut him short....as he looked at me with his brow raised..."I have a date with Chow Sei Lung tonite....he'll pick me up shortly..." I made that up.....

"oh....." is all that could come out of his mouth...we stood there awkward for a few minutes....then Jamie showed up....

"Kiu Wai...can we go yet?" she came up to him and threaded her arms into his.....I gave them smile....a real pasted one.....

"I'll see you later..." I said and head the other way ......KW slightly turned his head my direction as I walked off.....

"Shall we go?" Jamie asked....He slightly smiled and left with her....

After seeing them off.....I went out and caught a taxi.....Little did I know....KW turne his car around coz he forgot to get his script and saw me.....

I went home....head directly to my bay window....as I opened the window to let the cool wet air come in to clear my thought.....

"Mei Ling....what are you doing? what's going on between you and KW??" I asked myself outloud....as a gust of strong cool wind blew the rain onto my face......all the memories.....how I sense some kind of love for him....when it started....that night when we were at the kareoke bar after a shooting of Fearless Duo.....how he sang the themesong as he looked at me.....though others might think it was just an act we put on...but I felt every words he sang......the vibrations he sent through me by the touch of his hand on mine....how he looked into my eyes....even after the song was done...he still held onto my hand as we went back to our seats...sitting next to each other....he still hung onto my hand...as the table cover up for us...that's when I know he has feelings for me......*sigh* Another gust of wind brought me back to reality .....I shut my window and made my way to the bathroom as I heard my door bell rang.....

[bbtgr]

Chapter 2...

I went to open the door mindlessly without looking through the peephole....to my surprised....

"What are you doing here?" I asked...didn't expect to see him here...at this time....

"We gotta talk..." he said....as he let himself in without closing the door behind him...I turned away....my back was facing him...

"There is nothing to talk about....it's over..." I said annoyingly...

"But Mei Ling...can we give ourselves another chance?" he went on....

"Kent....I already told you before...we have nothing in common...it wasn't love that I felt for you...it was more of a gratitude that you cared so much....but it's not the same....do you understand..." I tried to explain it to him.....

"Mei Ling..." he grabbed me by my left arm....

"Let go of me!!!" I told him as I tried to pull away....."You're hurting me..." I continued...

"Kent...let ML go..." the deep voice startled Kent....he turned around...and I looked up....Kent loosen his grip....I automatically rushed over to his side as he came towards me....

"Kiu Wai...." I called him....

"oh...I see....so you're the reason she broke up with me...." Kent stated angrily....as he gave KW that hatred look....

"It wasn't because of KW that I broke up with you Kent....it's just that we weren't meant to be...." I justified ...

"You already have Jamie and now you want to get ML too??? You're such a jerk..." Kent cursed at KW....

"Kent...I think you have a bit too much alcohol....let me take you home..." KW offered as he walked over to Kent.....without any warning...Kent sucker punched him on his right jaw.....

"I don't need your fake friendship..." Kent angrily said.....

"Kent..how could you?...Get out!!!" I yelled at him....and was surprised that he even did that to KW....."Are you alrite Kiu Wai?" I rushed over to KW and looked at his jaw...at the same time KW put his hand to check on it...his was touching mine.....Kent stomped out angrily....

"Kent!!!...." KW tried to stop him..but it was too late.....he was gone....then he looked over to me....we were standing real close to each other.....

"Let me get you some ice on that..." I took my hand back and went to the fridge....I came back with ice in a washcloth....."Sit down...let me take a look at that..." I pulled him over to the couch..."It's swollen all red....he didn't have to hit you that hard..." I mumbled as I put the ice towel on him....

"Why did you lie to me?" his question came out from nowhere....as he put his hand on mine while I was fixing him up... I looked at him....realizing that I told him I have a date and here I am....here we are.....

"Uhmmm..." I tried to find some excuse to say...but was blanked....I took my hand back from his....."What are you doing here then?" I changed the subject...as I got up from the couch and walked away from him....

"Mei Ling....stop running away from me..." he said as he got up and went after me....

"Then what do you want from me Kiu Wai???" I stood at the baywindow....with my back facing him....I can feel he was standing rite behind me.....There was no answer....that moment of silence was like an eternity.....like the whole world just froze up and time is standing still.....though the rain was coming down harder outside...but all that peeter patter seemed silent....coz all I could hear was the drumming beat of my heart.....for half of me want to know what his answer is ...yet the other half kinda don't....

Then warmth of his hands on my arms unfreeze time and space.....I can sense my heart skipping beats yet....thumbing even louder ....."do I really want something out of this??? do I want to be the third person???" those questions rushed across my mind at the speed of light...I closed my eyes as I can feel my body trembling....how I wish time would just stand still again...so I won't have this to tear me up inside....

[bbtgr]

Chapter 3...

That moment of silence was disrupted by the ringing tone of his cell fone.....he didn't pick up ......he turned the sound off....but then it kept ringing again....he looked at the screen and it was Jamie.....Though I didn't look directly at him...but I know it's her....

"Think you better get going..." I said to him...as I moved myself away and towards the door.....I opened it and turned the other way....He had no other choice except to leave as I asked....

"I'll call you later..." he told me as he stop in front of me...waiting for me to acknowlege him....yet to be dissappointed.....he walked out.....I closed the door and leaned drearily against it.....all I could do was closed my eyes and let it all be gone......I really don't know where everything is going....how it would end ...where I stand in his heart.....Do I have any part in there??? And most importantly...how do I really feel about him....all these questions with no clear answers bothered me for awhile already..and yet....the answerss are still too far from clear.....I decided to just let it all be and live my life day by day....and day by day it was......

All the commotions about me and my stagnant carreer ....the love triangle between me..KW..and Jamie drained my energy everyday......I decided to take a break and enjoy life after the shooting of UWS....But then again.....I couldn't get away from it all.....The producer informed us about a new series which casted KW and I together.....again.....and I can't say no to it...for my role was written especially for me.....I had to take it according to my contract....
After reading the script I fell in love with the whole thing.....my role...his role....how we were meant to be.....and how so many girls around him ...yet he only loves me....maybe because that's what I really wanted....But who am I kidding....it's only a fictional character....Because 'til now...KW had not really say anything to me....except for his actions......he seemed really caring.....yet distant.....Sometimes I feel so safe and secure around him...but then.....there were times I felt so lost and lonely....all alone with no shoulder to lean onto.....

That's when I went out more often with Chow Sai Lung....we were like best of friends.....he's always there when I need someone to talk to.....or hang out with......And eversince I hung out more with CSL ....I can see something weird with KW.....The way he looked at me when CSL came to watch me act....

"You were great!!" CSL complimented me after the scene was done....he handed me a cold bottle of spring water....

"Thank you...what are you doing here?" I asked as I took the bottle from him....

"Oh I have to be on a tour this weekend...thought I would stop by to tell ya and hang out before I go....." he told me....at the moment KW'scene was done too and he came over coz that's where all the refreshments were....I know he heard us....

"Sure ....where do you want to go?" I pretended like KW wasn't even there....

"KW ...ML....would you come here please?" the director called for us....

"what is it Uncle Cheng?" KW asked...that's what he wanted all of us to call him....so we can feel more comfortable around one another....

"The next scene is going to be a bit harder with the technical kungfu skill....and since ML is not that good with her fighting scenes...think you two need to practice a little harder on his part before we do the shooting...." Uncle Cheng told us....

"OK Uncle Cheng...I'll try my best..." I answered...coz usually I'm the one who messed up at these scenes...It was the part when I snooped around in his room and he caught me....in that scene...he was supposed to swing me out and yank me back into his arms....We went with the kungfu choreographer...and he showed us what to do....

"ok....that's what you two need to do....let see how well you do now..." said the choreographer....but then....he was called out of the room for a fone call....just the two of us in there....

"Shall we try?" KW asked ...that was the first time we actually spoken to each other....atleast it wasn't the line in our script that is...

"Sure....why not...we have to anyway...with or without Leung Si fu..." I said with a shrug of my shoulder....

I turned around facing the bed.....lifting the blanket and pillow...then KW tapped my shoulder...I turned around and threw a punch at him.....he caught it and swung me out.....but then when he yanked me back.....instead of my backing facing him....I ended up facing him....I can feel his arms around me ...holding me....our eyes met....at that very moment...time stood still again....but then I shooked myself out of my numb state....

"I don't think this is how it's supposed to be..." I said and tried to move away....but his grib was tighter...he pressed me against him....then he put his other arm around me...locking me in....

"please don't move..." he said in a soft soothing voice...his eyes looked directly into mine....I looked back into his....but then....I really don't want to be feeling lost again....lost in a world that I can't find my way out....

"sorry about that....so where were we?" Mr. Leung came back to the room.....I quickly walked away from KW's arms....with Mr. Leung presence....both KW and I were more focused on our scene....we tried many times before we got it the way it supposed to be....all the other times...either we missed our grib or I ended up facing KW....don't know if he meant for it to happened like that...or it was just an accident....

[bbtgr]

Chapter 4....

As time goes by the relationship between KW and I are still the same...vague...unclear....I can't believe another year had just passed..and here I am...going to be 25 today....Guess time waits for noone....doesn't matter if you're having fun or not....

Sitting at the baywindow at my house seems to be a routine I do nowadays....I find myself in so much thought and my mentality is just not the same....I'm weaker day by day....just wish everything would be grand and beautiful like a sweet dream....

"Ding Dong!!" someone is at the door..."who could it be so early in the morning??" I thought to myself as I tightened my robe and went to open it....

"Kiu Wai?? what are doing here so early?" I asked surprisingly....coz it was 5:20 AM....

"Mei Ling....we gotta talk...." he said as he stepped in and closed the door....his face was really flushed ...like he haven't got a wink of sleep all nite...."I couldn't sleep all nite lastnite...I thought I drove around for some freshair...but somehow I ended up at your apartment parking lot....I kept looking up at your window..thinking....thinking about what's going on between you and me..." he paused...his tired face gave a frown...as his head drooped down towards the ground....he took a real BIG breath..like he's about to say something very important...

But I interrupted him before he could even continue...."between us, is there something?" I asked as I turned my face away from him....holding tightly onto the belt of my robe as to support my body...to hold in my deepest feelings....which I don't even know what it is....or is it that I don't have the guts to know....I too let out a heavy sigh....

"Between us is a big barrier....not only our carreer at stake but also..." he paused again....

"But also you have Jamie?" I looked at him..deep into his eyes....He couldn't say anything else except for looking straight back at me..."Kiu Wai...what's the point coming to me today....and tell me all this??? It's still the same....nothing is different....don't you think I have enough headache already??" I couldn't hold it in any longer....everything just rushed out like it's being locked up for ages....I know my voice wasn't pleasant...My sudden reaction surprised him...I can see by the way he looked at me....

"Mei Ling...I..." he uttered...

"Kiu Wai...you know what..I think it's best that you leave now...I would like to enjoy my B-Day in peace please..." I opened the door for him once again....

Once again...he stood in front of me...."Please accept this...I got it for you...." he handed me a little gift box....all wrapped in my favorite color...lilac....I stood there....dont' know if I want to accept it or not.....

"I really wish someday I could celebrate your BDay with you...." he took my hand and put the box in it....his sudden pecked on my cheek shocked me...then he left....

[bbtgr]

Chapter 5...

I stood there frozen in the moment for a second then I find myself tracing his shadow with my eyes...I looked sadly down at the box in my hands....I closed the door and went over to the sofa. Sat down with a heavy heart...

"Why do you have to do this??? all your little sweet gestures just make me more misserable..." I cried silently...I sat there staring at the box for quite sometimes....lost in my unknown thoughts...The ringing of my cellfone brought me back to reality...

"Hey Sai Lung..." I picked it up....

"You're still not up yet?? it passed 1pm already BDay girl..." SL voices rang through the fone...

"I've been up already..." I answered tritefully...

"Something's wrong?" he asked a bit concerned...

"No..nothing...just a bit tired from all the work so far...." I lied...."So what's up?" I changed my tone...

"Just wandering if you want to hang out tonite to celebrate your BDay that's all..." He told me..

"Sure...why not....your treat.." I said...I just want to forget about all my trouble...and enjoy life...at least my BDay...

"I'll pick you up around 5 tonite then.." He said...

"ok...I'll see ya.....later..." I hung up the fone...And take another look at the box in front of me....let out a heavy sigh and went to wash up....

*************************************************

"Ding Dong!" the doorbell rang....

"Hey SL..." I opened the door and greeted him...

"Whoah....you look stunning.." he complimented...with a smile as he stepped in...

"You're such a flatterer...thanx....just a white top and jeans...I think I look like this everyday..." I replied....

"I see someone already beat me to the present huh.." SL said as he walked over to the sofa and saw KW's gift....I didn't answer him but just went over and picked it up....

"I'll just be a little bit more longer..." I changed the subject and went to my room....I laid the box on my dresser and looked at it once again....then I just took my purse and went out..."We can go now..." I told him..

We came to the club and there were a bunch of familiar faces...the one in the entertainment circle.....they had set up the party for me there....I was surprised thinking just SL and a couple of our mutual friends....They all cheered as we stepped in....Then...I saw him....next to him stood her....he looked over at me ...as our eyes met...I turned away and mingle with the others...I tried not to look at him at all....I avoided him all nite...I really had several drinks that nite...why not...it's my BDAY...I'm allowed...

It was getting pretty late already and the party had ended...SL took me home....

"Are you gonna be alrite?" he asked...

"oh I'm fine....I might be a bit lush...but not drunk you know....I can handle it..." I replied with a pasted smile...I just wanted to be alone for the rest of the nite....

"Ok then...you have a good nite....call me if you're not well..." he told me...

"Thanx SL...you're always a good friend..." I told him....He smiled back and left ....

I closed my door and went to my room....As soon as I walked in....and turned on the light...that box is the first thing I noticed....I came over to my dresser and held it up in my hand....I decided to open it....My tears ran down my cheeks as I pulled it out of the box....it's a crystal figurine of a prince charming kissing his fairytale princess....at that very moment...my home fone rang....it was around midnite.......Thinking it's SL....for he's not sure that I'll be alrite or not...

"I'm told you I'm fine.." I said as I picked up the fone without saying hello first...

"I'm glad to hear..." his deep voice replied back...

"Kiu Wai??" I whispered in surprised...

[bbtgr]

Chapter 6...

With the crystal figurine still in my hand I sat down on my bed...."Thank you for the gift...but maybe it's not me that this is meant for..." I told him....as I looked at the figurine again...

"Mei Ling...I know deep down in my heart when I first saw that...you were the one I think of..." he replied....

"Maybe it is like this figurine...only a fairytale...."I said softly...

"Mei Ling...I....I really wanted more than just a fairytale between us.....can you give me sometime to get my head clear??" his voice seems to fade away from me.....I can hear him...I thought I answered him yet...he couldn't hear me....all I heard was..."Mei Ling?? Mei Ling?? Are you there??"

The next I know was I woke up in a hospital....in the ICU unit....The morning sunlight woke me...I felt like someone was holding onto my hand .....I turned over and there he was....KW...leaning against the wall on the chair next to me...His eyes were closed...his hand was holding tightly onto mine...

My head hurts as I remember something like a dream....the light was so bright and I thought I heard so many people around me...they were busy...like it was a matter of life and death....I shook my head....then another flash of memory came to me....I thought I heard his voice calling me....I closed my eyes and tried hard to remember....

"Mei Ling?? Mei Ling??!?!" he called frantically as he shook my shoulders....

Then another flash of memory struck me....I felt like I was fluttering in midair....the surrounding was all white and fluffy....I heard his voice again....it was sad and pleading...

"Mei Ling...I can't believe it took me to almost lose you forever to realize how much you meant to me...I know that I can't go on without you in my life...You always might think that it was because I love Jamie that's why I didn't pursue you...but it was more like all of our carreers are at stake if I take another step...Where we're gonna be??...what will our future be in showbiz?? I might be undecisive then..but I know what's more important to me now....and it's YOU..." His deep genuine voice lingering in my head.....I can feel his sincerity...and all he said was what's on my mind as well...though I also think that it was because he also love Jamie that's why he's the way he is....but I guessed there are more to it than what I thought...My head hurts even more when I tried to think hard......I put my hands on my head....my movement woke him up from his weary sleep....I think he been with me all that time that I was unconscious for GOD knows how long...

"Mei Ling?? You're alrite???" he said in relieved and joyful...

"What happened?" I asked as I still held onto my aching head...

"You passed out at your house.....there was a gas leak...." he answered...

"The last think I remembered was I was talking to you...then I don't know what happened next..." I said in confused....as I shook my poor head and frown in pain...

"Yeah....you didn't answer when I talked to you...I got worried and went over to your place...I smell some gas from your door...so I broke it down....I went into your room...and there you were...lying on your bed with the fone still on the line and ....." he paused....

"And what?" I asked..

"You were still holding onto the figurine tightly..." he added in a low tone...Then he took the figurine from the traytable and handed it to me..."Mei Ling...I know that I've been very undecisive and caused you pain....but as of now...I truly know what's more important to me ...more than my carreer...more my life itself...and it's YOU..." his voice was tender and genuine....he held my hand as he went on...."But you have to decide for yourself too...it's not just about our relationship..but also our carreer....you're a big star now...it might jeopardize your future in showbiz....though I hope you'll be my soulmate...but I don't want to be selfish as to drag you down with me...." his face was serious...that look I saw many times before...when we were filming TF....how he looked deeply into my eyes with his determined authorative voice that I'm his...and nobody can take me away from him.....I was lost in his eyes then....and I'm lost in them now...