Post by boowee on Oct 13, 2005 17:52:50 GMT -5
This is my first MB fanfiction and I want it to be perfect, so I`m going to post the prologue first. And the only thing I ask of you is to be critics for my essay. Please do not be nice but not too brutal either. ;]
- Prologue -
Strolling daintily on the clean-cut of the plain fields, relishing in each gait as the maiden’s, clothed in chaste white, eyes loomed steadily through the plethora of flowers. With each fragrance permeating her nose, the maiden became exhaustedly bored. She whiffed a peculiar scent; her head instantly reverted to the pond. Her eyes sparkled with interest as she stooped to fetch the flower with the attracting scent.
Her delicate fingers fondled the edges of the petals as she arched her back further downward, her leg gave off and she nearly slipped into the muddy pond. An anonymous hand grasped her shoulder; she opened her eyes only to be greeted by a pair of dark luminous orbs, absorbing her consciousness second by second. She fell in contact with his chest as nausea ate away at her senses.
She awoke with a repetitive banging in her head; she made an attempt to move from her prone position but was unable, stiff from her collapse. Her head throbbing with ache, her eyelids heavy with post-sleepiness.
She succumbed to the comfort of her bed, assuaging the buzzing in her head. She let her thoughts roam, to the moment where she lost consciousness. To the point where she felt her heart pulsated in the most unusual manner; with each rapid beat, quickening of breath, she etched his broad features in her mind. The angle of her lips curving with every remnant of memory his face served. Gifted with a sharp jaw, his eyes possessed an aura of greatness; the color of his skin dark as coal and his cheekbones stood out in perfection with his facial expressions. And the unforgettable, dimpled smile that is indelibly engraved in Mei Ling’s heart.
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all of your comments will be appreciated.
- Prologue -
Strolling daintily on the clean-cut of the plain fields, relishing in each gait as the maiden’s, clothed in chaste white, eyes loomed steadily through the plethora of flowers. With each fragrance permeating her nose, the maiden became exhaustedly bored. She whiffed a peculiar scent; her head instantly reverted to the pond. Her eyes sparkled with interest as she stooped to fetch the flower with the attracting scent.
Her delicate fingers fondled the edges of the petals as she arched her back further downward, her leg gave off and she nearly slipped into the muddy pond. An anonymous hand grasped her shoulder; she opened her eyes only to be greeted by a pair of dark luminous orbs, absorbing her consciousness second by second. She fell in contact with his chest as nausea ate away at her senses.
She awoke with a repetitive banging in her head; she made an attempt to move from her prone position but was unable, stiff from her collapse. Her head throbbing with ache, her eyelids heavy with post-sleepiness.
She succumbed to the comfort of her bed, assuaging the buzzing in her head. She let her thoughts roam, to the moment where she lost consciousness. To the point where she felt her heart pulsated in the most unusual manner; with each rapid beat, quickening of breath, she etched his broad features in her mind. The angle of her lips curving with every remnant of memory his face served. Gifted with a sharp jaw, his eyes possessed an aura of greatness; the color of his skin dark as coal and his cheekbones stood out in perfection with his facial expressions. And the unforgettable, dimpled smile that is indelibly engraved in Mei Ling’s heart.
-
all of your comments will be appreciated.
Big MB HUGS