Post by Lanie on Jan 4, 2006 18:38:58 GMT -5
I remember that night; the summer night sky was warmly yellow with orange. The satisfying love between Michael and I were so tender, so soft and hopelessly ignorant. We were young lovers. I was 17 at the time and Michael was 19. Indeed, I was young at the time, but our hearts filled with loving emotions. Our eyes filled with tears of joy. I was his sweet neighbor girl and he was my sweet neighbor boy. We grew up in the ‘hoods of Loveliness’. Every summer nights seem hopelessly romantic and the winters seem hopelessly cozy when Michael was by my side and held me in is arms. With the existence of Michael everything seems so right and nothing can be done wrong. I knew I was helplessly inlove with him.
Even though, I can not explain what love means accurately, but it was a mutual understanding between the two of us.
The years ran by like a night train. The skies became only greyer when he left me for good. All by myself in this quiet house, sitting next to my window and gazing at the falling leaves and the awful clouds filled the skies. Our love faded like the wind blowing by. The things that happened between us, I had no control over. I regret that day, when I let him slip away without explaining the misunderstanding between us two. Michael thought I fell inlove with another guy name Ken tong. But he didn’t know that I was diagnosed with cancer and that I left him on a reasonable purpose. Therefore, he left without a trace and the misunderstanding between us had remained an unrevealed scar in my heart, as well as, Michael
Until these days, I’m still a single 25 yrs old, worse of all I’m still broken hearted…wondering how Michael is doing, whether he’s married or not. It would hurt my heart and soul like a thousand knives cut with a touch of lemon juice on my wound if Michael still didn’t forgive me and love another. But I don’t expect much from it. I’ve realized that when you love somebody, you have to learn how to let them go. But when I dream of Michael, everything feels right, he still remain in my heart. Only in my dreams I can still tell him how much I love him and miss him. Our paths have split along the road of life with no emotions left but there is still one hope left. I hope to see Michael again. At least see how he’s doing.
Waking up everyday wasn’t easy for me because Michael image always involuntarily flashback somewhere in the corner of my head. But waking up and heading to work is part of my life. Well, at least that’s the only thing that I do to help time flies by. My life is just dreary and sorrowful.
9 A.m. While I was waiting for the taxi, unexpectedly, I overheard a very familiar voice, a very deep and engrossing voice, which makes it unforgettable. Yet, his voice was full of characteristic and full of life. Therefore, I turn around. Surprisingly, my dearest Michael Miu was standing infront of me, 10 feet away from me.
“Dadddy!!Daddy! Can I have some ice cream?” whined a little girl, who was around 5 years old.
Beside Michael, there stood another beautiful woman. It must’ve been his wife and his daughter. Michael was smiling at the woman standing beside him, while the little girl pulls his sleeves, begging for ice cream.
It was a picture perfect family.
Sadly, my heart shattered uncontrollably. I feel like the sky had collapsed on me and crushed my body into ashes, the ashes then fade into thin air that can never be captured again. Never!
But I can’t go running from the past. It is vividly undeniable that he’d moved on with his life. Michael and I are moving into the color of the night.
Slowly, tears drop drip down my pale cheeks and onto my lips. I taste the bitterness of mournful tears. I quickly turn away from the happy family, not wanting Michael to witness my lonely self in a desolated place all by myself, still loving him with this unrequited love.
I walk as fast as I can without focusing on the traffic light. I cross the street without looking.
“Beep! Beep!” a car horned at me.
“Bring your eyes with you when u crosses the street! “A rude driver yelled at me.
I was too embarrassed to even look. I finish my half path.
“Miss, are you ok?” that familiar voice asked me. He gently taps me on my shoulder
I didn’t turn around. I didn’t want to turn around. I didn’t want him to recognize me. I just nodded my head and left silently. Accidentally, I drop my purse and the mirror fell out of my purse. I bend down to pick it up. From the mirror reflection, he recognizes me.
“Mei Ling?” He gently called my name. His tone was warm, soft and caressing. But I pretend I didn’t hear him. Once again, I walk away from him.
“mei ling!Please don’t go!” Michael grab me by my elbow.
But this time, his voice was sad and dreary.
I stop and inhale for a few second. I swallow my saliva, trying to clear my mind and calm my heart down.
PART 2)
There’s something about Michael voice that just soften my heart. I finally have the guts to look at him straight in the face and bravely smile. Obviously, it was a bitter smile. I can sense that Michael could see it too.
Time flies by. Everything changes, but Michael handsome appearance still remains. His skin is tanner. His hair is gel back. He is more muscular and mature looking. A very handsome and mature grown up, man.
“Ummm..Hi..Long time no see” I speak weakly with no energetic strength. I can barely breathe. I mean, how can I speak normally when that’s not how I felt inside.
“Yes, it’s been a while since we meet. Its amazing how we meet again on this…” He stutters with confusions.
He then continues, “On this street and we ran into each other…”
Awkwardly, he gives me this unrecognizable smile, a stranger smile. Somehow, that smile wasn’t the perky and convincing smile that he once gave me when we…we were….inlove…..
I just smile at Michael to show him that I was doing great. The truth is that I was concealing my sorrowful mask that I was wearing to hide my sympathetic life.
“How have you been, Mei ling?” He curiously asks me.
Strangely, that question triggers me. I wish I could tell him, “Listen, Michael! Since the day we’ve parted, I’ve missed u so much “
But reality is still reality. I must face it.
“OH…. not bad! How about you and your family?” I burst out asking him without thinking. I guess I was really anxious to find out whether he’s married or not.
“I almost forgot. Let me introduce u to my daughter Vivian and her mother, Kathy” Michael said with a smile. His hands were patting on his daughter head.
Oh my god! The truth really hurts. I bite my lips painfully trying to hold the hurt inside. Nevertheless, hiding my pain is my other professions.
“Congratulations Michael. Anyways, I’m late for work.. Until then, take care” I had to leave right away, because no matter how strong I pretend to be. I couldn’t hold back shedding more tears.
I turn away from him and run as fast as I can, while tears shimmers my eyes. My tear is drowning my vision. I can no longer see. Suddenly, Black is the only color that I can see. I pass out on the street.
While I was unconscious, I can hear the ambulance siren loudly. So loud that I can not even hear myself in my subconscious dreams.
“Mei ling..are you ok???” A male voice keeps calling my name, concerning about my health. Yet, his calling wakes me up.
I open my eyes with a blurry vision.
“Why did you lie to me? How can u do that to us?” said Michael. His verbal expression was indeed a mix emotion expression. He look angry and sad, all at the same time.
By the tone of his voice, I can sense that Michael knows the truth. Knowing that I am diagnose with cancer.
I was sort of happy. More likely, I’m worry for the fact that he would feel guilty and won’t live a happy life after I leave him behind.
“Michael..Just leave me alone. It’s too late for sympathy now!” I yell at him on purpose, hoping to make him leave and go back to his loving family that he creates.
“I won’t leave u! Why did u lie to me? You know that you are sick and you wouldn’t let me be there for you. Why are you torturing both of us?!” Michael grabs my shoulder and pulls me closer to him. He hugged me real tight. So tight that I feel swoosh.
The way that he holds me in his arms, bring back the old memories. It was so tender and cozy that I just wish that moment last forever.
“I didn’t want you to feel the sadness that I felt and I don’t want u to witness the pain that I go through. I want you to move on with your life.” I told him the truth. I couldn’t help but sob on his shoulder. My tears wet his white shirt.
“You are wrong! I feel more pain without you. Do you know how much pain you’ve put me through since the day you walk out of my life and left me with all those unanswered questions?! I always ask myself why and what did I do wrong to deserve your change of heart. But now I found out the truth. How can I ever forgive myself??” Michael could feel all the pain in his heart torn apart. He realizes that ML did everything because of him. He had mistaken her as a heart betrayer.
“Michael..i’m sorry..so sorry….” Ml cried. She regret for letting him go
“I love you..I still love you ,mei ling..” Michael reminded me once again.
I felt so much comfort. After all, At least theres someone out there who still love me.
Michael tells me that he loves me. I was happy for a second. Too bad happiness seems to end quickly just like every party, party doesn’t go on forever.
I push Michael away from me. I remind him of his current family. How he shouldn’t tell me that he still loves me when he marry another, and have a daughter with her. I couldn’t blame him or feel resentment towards him. I can only blame myself.
“No need to feel sympathetic for me. I’m a grown woman now. I know how to take care of myself. Please don’t tell me you love me when you are already a father. I hope u can give me some respect and let me live my last days in peace.”
I tell him how I feel inside. I know my harsh words cut him deep, even deeper then his existing wounds. Soon or later, that wound of his will heal with time and he’ll forget me, forget a person name, ‘Mei Ling’.
My existing presence will be wash away like the ocean waves that wash away the name written on the sand.
Michael’s eye fills with unspeakable emotion. He looks like he wants to tell me something. As he moves his jaw to speak, a doctor walks in, interrupting us.
“Excuse me,” said the doctor
Michael pause and let the doctor finish, while his hands rest on top of mine.
“Sorry to interrupt, but you we need to come with us for An X-ray,”
I nod my head and get up right away. I follow the doctor and nurse outside.
Michael looks puzzle and confuse. He remains in the room and wait for my return.
The x-ray is done. I walk back to my room. Michael is still there. I didn’t want to come inside. I’m afraid that I’ll fall into his loving arms once again.
I decide to go for a walk. I need some fresh air. I sit behind the hospital backyard for more than 5 hrs.
The sun begins to set. I sit there gazing motionlessly at the orange red sky, sighing along with the chilly wind that passes by. I guess the sound of the cold wind blowing by is ‘Mother Nature’ mournful language, and she’s speaking to me, because she can feel my emptiness and solitude.
Suddenly, from behind there’s music playing from someone car and it is my favorite song, “I still believe”.
You look in my eyes
And I get emotional inside
I know it's crazy
But you still can touch my heart
And after all this time
You'd think that I
Wouldn't feel the same
But time melts into nothing
And nothing's changed
I still believe
Someday you and me
Will find ourselves in love again
I have a dream
Someday you and me
Will find ourselves in love again
Each day of my life
I'm filled with all the joy I could find
You know that I
I'm not the desperate type
If there’s one spark of hope
Left in my grasp
I'll be holding it with both hands
It's worth the risk of burning
To have a second chance
Someday you and me
Will find ourselves in love again
I turn around. Michael is standing infront of me with red roses in his hands.
It was him who plays the song for me. I’m really touched. I get so emotional and sensitive that I cry so hard. I couldn’t help the tears from shedding.
“I still believe that we can be together again. Please give me a second chance to love you and take care of you. I can’t go on another day knowing that the love of my life left me for something I didn’t do wrong. Will you marry me?”
Michael is on his knees proposing to me. I am speechless.
“How can I marry you when you are already married?” I question him carefully.
“What do you mean??” Michael ask me
“Your wife and your daughter….the one that I saw earlier…I heard her calling you daddy.”
“Oooohhh..you misunderstood me. She’s my bestfriend daughter. I’m her godfather. About that woman….she is Andy’s wife. Andy was busy so I have to give her a ride to school and take the mother to work” Michael laughs with a sense of humor. He shakes his head and look at me with the sweetest look, the kind that shows he’s happy because I’m jealous and still cares about him.
I can feel the blood from my body running up to my face, I BLUSH!
My stupidity makes me unreasonable and a jealous person. I wrongfully accused the person that I love.
His love for me really traps me this time, like a mouse trap in a cage after finding a piece of cheese. I finally made up my mind. I love him and he loves me. There is no point for us to live painfully away from each other when our hearts beat the same beat and feel the same feeling.
I nod my head shyly with a smile, “Yes”. I softly agree
This time I blush even harder. My cheeks are as red as an apple. I am extremely happy!
Michael jump up and hug me real tight. He squeezes me real hard..so hard that I couldn’t breath. Then he gently tilts his head down towards me and gives me the most unforgettable kiss. It was a commitment kiss, full of passion, affection and love. Nothing in this world can freeze this moment.
Even if the sky collapses on me, I wouldn’t any pain because my heart had finally taste the meaning of TRUE LOVE. I am bless and the luckiest girl in this whole wide world. I have the most amazing man in my life.
Part 4
Michael and I went back to his place. I can not believe my eyes. Michael lives in a big mansion, up on the desolate mountains. He conquers all the spaces and privacies all to himself.
“Since when did you buy this big mansion?” I ask him
With a slightly smirk on his face. He said, “I work my way up. I open quite a few Optical stores In HK and Canada.” He fold his arms and wink at me, showing how successfulness.
The wedding day is finally here. We invite all of our friends and relatives. His parents from Canada also attend the wedding. I must admit, they are the sweetest and loving parents.
Our wedding ceremony is held in the backyard. Michael lives in a mansion; therefore, we have plenty of spaces to decorate the wedding scenario with.
There are white roses hanging from the brick wall. The whole backyard is decorated with roses, balloons and white candles. We have a live band playing love songs with their instruments. It was a romantic environment. I couldn’t ask for more.
I have on this beautiful custom made white dress. My hair is half up with luxurious hair accessories, and the rest falls on my back with little curls and glitters on it. The glitters bring out a twinkling sparks to show a little in-style fashion and the beauty of my hair to match with my glamorous dress.
Michael has on this white suit. He’s tall and very well-fit, which is extremely flattering and pleasant to look at. His hair is gel back, showing his perfect manly features. He has his hands tuck in his pockets while waiting for me down the aisle. His thick posture and bright smile highlights his most unique personality, bringing out his suave characteristic.
I notice that most of the single girls admire him from afar. But he’s my husband-to-be. I’m very fortunate.
The priest asks us to exchange our vows and I do’s.
Michael slides the diamond ring into my finger and I did the same to his.
“I’ll love you forever.” He softly reassures me, and gives me his precious smile. He then gently kisses me on my lips to seal his promises and commitment.
WE ARE NOW HUSBAND AND WIFE!
The audience claps and cheers for this wonderful moment. And so I cry in return for an exchange of this happiness. If I have a choice to cry these happy tears forever, then I wouldn’t mind at all. I wouldn’t complain a bit!
After the wedding, everyone quietly leave the ceremony. They know better not to interrupt us.
“Are you ready?” My husband winks at me with his flirtatious look
I roll my eyes with embarrassment. I pretend I didn’t know what he was talking about. I walk away from him.
He grabs my hands and pulls me back into his arms and lifts me up.
“We should do our Honey Moon tonight!” He smile mischievously and carry me up to our room. I wrap my arms around his neck while my head rest upon his rock hard chest.
My husband gently laid my weightless body on his cotton soft bed.
“Let me go start the bubble bath and lit the candles.” He offers
I nod my head and smile again. I couldn’t help smiling the whole day.
I get out of my bed and play my other favorite love songs, If only for one night. I dim the lights to make it a little more romantic.
My husband approaches me from behind with his hands ties around my hourglass waist. He uses his hands to move my body along with the melody.
With his lips pressing against my ears, he sings along with the song….
Let me hold u tight…
If only for one night…
Let me keep u near….
To ease away your fears
It would be so nice
If only for one night…
The moment was so tense. I lost control of myself. I was head over heel inlove with my husband.
Smoothly, his hands move away from waist and travel up between the valleys of my chest. He then unbuttons my apparel and kiss the back of my neck. His kiss is so gentle that it tickles me to my spine.
He turns me around, facing him.
“Lets go shower together..” He invites me.
I didn’t respond back because he already knew the answers.
We bath together and romantically exchange our bodies.
LOVE YOU ONE THOUSAND YEARS
(The continuation……..Part 2)
My husband (Michael) and I live together happily. Our baby girl is now five years old.
He names our daughter after me, Barbara Mei lai. The only difference is, I’m Mei Ling and she’s Mei Lai (My le), meaning ‘Beautiful’.
He told me that the name ‘Barbara, My lai’ suits my daughter best, because I pass on my beauty to her and it simply implies, “Beautiful Barbara”. My daughter is me and I am her.
Coincidentally, my daughter is born on May 7, and May 7 happens to be my birth date.
My husband usually tells me that we look identical when it comes to our facial structure. My daughter looks 100% just like me. Her eyes are the dreamiest features on her face. Anyone who looks into her eyes can easily be mesmerized by it. Her smile is peacefully sweet and pure, purer than any filter spring water.
Even though she’s only five, but she’s a smart girl. She knows what she wants and needs. Therefore, I don’t have to worry that much when I’m gone.
Day by day, my illnesses got worsen. I have to go check up every day with my husband by my side.
My skin is more pale than usual. I often cough with blood. I tend to pass out every now and then. Yet, I try my best to push my last few days with my family.
On this sunny day, my family and I decide to barbeque in our backyard.
I’m responsible for the hot dogs and hamburger. My husband and my daughter swim the sunny day away in our pool.
I’m watching my daughter, Mei Lai, swimming in the pool with her dad. The smile from both of them is what I cherish the most. They look so out of this world and bless with everything they do.
Michael is such a good husband and dad. I love how he plays with his daughter. He looks just like a kid trap in an adult body when it comes to playtime with Mei lai.
Suddenly, I can feel the aching inside my bone ripping me apart and my breath is short.
Just what I have expects, my vision become blurry. I faint right onto the ground.
“Hunni!!are you ok??” My husband shakes my hands trying to wake me up.
I can hear him calling me at first, but then his voice begins to fade slowly.
I become unconscious.
THE NEXT DAY:
I open my eyes. My daughter is sleeping beside me, my right shoulder. Her tiny legs rest on my body and her thumb is in her mouth, she is sucking her thumb. Her left arm is hugging her teddy bear, the teddy bear that Michael and I got for her from our vacation to Disney World. She looks so comfortable and free, just like what an innocent five years old should be.
I turn to my right, my husband is sleeping helplessly. Even though he is deep in his sleep, but his arms is still wrapping around my body.
With my princess on my left side and husband on my right side, I feel so much love. I didn’t want to let go at all. Never!
I let out a big sigh, it was from sadness. The love from my daughter and husband really make me want to stay here and live with them until eternity. I volunteer not to leave this happy place and go elsewhere, where I’m all alone.
All by myself, strain in the lonely darkness is very scary. The thought really stab me deep, even deeper than the deepest ocean. There is no depth to it.
I cry quietly, hoping my husband and daughter will not hear me. I don’t want them to feel heart pain. I prefer to take all the pain secretly.
My tears keep rolling down my cheeks, wetting my pillow. My nose becomes stuffy, and so I sniff.
My sniff wakes him up. He looks into my red puffy eyes.
“Hunni..It’s going to be ok.. No matter what happens..You’ll always have me and our daughter. I love you soooo much that it hurt to see you cry.”
He turns to me and wipes my tears away. From his sad face, I can feel the strong vibe; he’s feeling the pain as well. I know my husband doesn’t want to let me go neither.
“Michael, I don’t want to leave you and our baby behind. I really want to witness her growing up and finish college and..and….” I sob painfully. I can’t go on anymore. I just hush myself and close my eyes. I fall back into his chest and remain quiet.
It was no use to speak the unspeakable hope. Everything will just vanish, just like me, one day.
May 7..
Today is my daughter’s birthday and mine too. We didn’t have a big birthday party because I’m too sick to get out of my bed and my hair is starting to fall out.
My daughter is a good girl, she didn’t whine either. She cooperates very well.
I went downstairs on my wheelchair. My husband is helping me by pushing the wheelchair. I didn’t have any strength left.
Michael bake us 2 birthday cakes, it was in a shape of a heart. He said that it’s better if he actually bake it then buy it. He wants to bake the cake with love.
The surface of the cake says, “Happy Birthday my beautiful wife. I love you”
The other one says, “Happy 6th birthday my little Pumpkin. Love mom&dad”
“Michael, this is so sweet. Every birthday with you is so unforgettable. Thank you ,hunni. Thank you so much for making me the happiest wife in the world..” I give him a kiss on his cheeks and he smile passionately at me.
“look!! look !!mommy and daddy is kissing…ewwwww” My daughter give us a gross puppy face with her eye brow twitching.
We just laugh it off. She’s so cute. I bet one of these days, she will be kissing her husband too.
We ask the maid to take a picture of us and record it on tape.
This week drags by slow. The doctor said that my time is up. My bone marrow makes too many blast cells (immature white blood cells). My normal blast cells turn into a type of white blood cell called granulocytes.
At the same time, the marrow cannot grow enough normal red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets. Therefore, my time is up. I only have one more day to spare with my loving husband and daughter.
Even though, I can not explain what love means accurately, but it was a mutual understanding between the two of us.
The years ran by like a night train. The skies became only greyer when he left me for good. All by myself in this quiet house, sitting next to my window and gazing at the falling leaves and the awful clouds filled the skies. Our love faded like the wind blowing by. The things that happened between us, I had no control over. I regret that day, when I let him slip away without explaining the misunderstanding between us two. Michael thought I fell inlove with another guy name Ken tong. But he didn’t know that I was diagnosed with cancer and that I left him on a reasonable purpose. Therefore, he left without a trace and the misunderstanding between us had remained an unrevealed scar in my heart, as well as, Michael
Until these days, I’m still a single 25 yrs old, worse of all I’m still broken hearted…wondering how Michael is doing, whether he’s married or not. It would hurt my heart and soul like a thousand knives cut with a touch of lemon juice on my wound if Michael still didn’t forgive me and love another. But I don’t expect much from it. I’ve realized that when you love somebody, you have to learn how to let them go. But when I dream of Michael, everything feels right, he still remain in my heart. Only in my dreams I can still tell him how much I love him and miss him. Our paths have split along the road of life with no emotions left but there is still one hope left. I hope to see Michael again. At least see how he’s doing.
Waking up everyday wasn’t easy for me because Michael image always involuntarily flashback somewhere in the corner of my head. But waking up and heading to work is part of my life. Well, at least that’s the only thing that I do to help time flies by. My life is just dreary and sorrowful.
9 A.m. While I was waiting for the taxi, unexpectedly, I overheard a very familiar voice, a very deep and engrossing voice, which makes it unforgettable. Yet, his voice was full of characteristic and full of life. Therefore, I turn around. Surprisingly, my dearest Michael Miu was standing infront of me, 10 feet away from me.
“Dadddy!!Daddy! Can I have some ice cream?” whined a little girl, who was around 5 years old.
Beside Michael, there stood another beautiful woman. It must’ve been his wife and his daughter. Michael was smiling at the woman standing beside him, while the little girl pulls his sleeves, begging for ice cream.
It was a picture perfect family.
Sadly, my heart shattered uncontrollably. I feel like the sky had collapsed on me and crushed my body into ashes, the ashes then fade into thin air that can never be captured again. Never!
But I can’t go running from the past. It is vividly undeniable that he’d moved on with his life. Michael and I are moving into the color of the night.
Slowly, tears drop drip down my pale cheeks and onto my lips. I taste the bitterness of mournful tears. I quickly turn away from the happy family, not wanting Michael to witness my lonely self in a desolated place all by myself, still loving him with this unrequited love.
I walk as fast as I can without focusing on the traffic light. I cross the street without looking.
“Beep! Beep!” a car horned at me.
“Bring your eyes with you when u crosses the street! “A rude driver yelled at me.
I was too embarrassed to even look. I finish my half path.
“Miss, are you ok?” that familiar voice asked me. He gently taps me on my shoulder
I didn’t turn around. I didn’t want to turn around. I didn’t want him to recognize me. I just nodded my head and left silently. Accidentally, I drop my purse and the mirror fell out of my purse. I bend down to pick it up. From the mirror reflection, he recognizes me.
“Mei Ling?” He gently called my name. His tone was warm, soft and caressing. But I pretend I didn’t hear him. Once again, I walk away from him.
“mei ling!Please don’t go!” Michael grab me by my elbow.
But this time, his voice was sad and dreary.
I stop and inhale for a few second. I swallow my saliva, trying to clear my mind and calm my heart down.
PART 2)
There’s something about Michael voice that just soften my heart. I finally have the guts to look at him straight in the face and bravely smile. Obviously, it was a bitter smile. I can sense that Michael could see it too.
Time flies by. Everything changes, but Michael handsome appearance still remains. His skin is tanner. His hair is gel back. He is more muscular and mature looking. A very handsome and mature grown up, man.
“Ummm..Hi..Long time no see” I speak weakly with no energetic strength. I can barely breathe. I mean, how can I speak normally when that’s not how I felt inside.
“Yes, it’s been a while since we meet. Its amazing how we meet again on this…” He stutters with confusions.
He then continues, “On this street and we ran into each other…”
Awkwardly, he gives me this unrecognizable smile, a stranger smile. Somehow, that smile wasn’t the perky and convincing smile that he once gave me when we…we were….inlove…..
I just smile at Michael to show him that I was doing great. The truth is that I was concealing my sorrowful mask that I was wearing to hide my sympathetic life.
“How have you been, Mei ling?” He curiously asks me.
Strangely, that question triggers me. I wish I could tell him, “Listen, Michael! Since the day we’ve parted, I’ve missed u so much “
But reality is still reality. I must face it.
“OH…. not bad! How about you and your family?” I burst out asking him without thinking. I guess I was really anxious to find out whether he’s married or not.
“I almost forgot. Let me introduce u to my daughter Vivian and her mother, Kathy” Michael said with a smile. His hands were patting on his daughter head.
Oh my god! The truth really hurts. I bite my lips painfully trying to hold the hurt inside. Nevertheless, hiding my pain is my other professions.
“Congratulations Michael. Anyways, I’m late for work.. Until then, take care” I had to leave right away, because no matter how strong I pretend to be. I couldn’t hold back shedding more tears.
I turn away from him and run as fast as I can, while tears shimmers my eyes. My tear is drowning my vision. I can no longer see. Suddenly, Black is the only color that I can see. I pass out on the street.
While I was unconscious, I can hear the ambulance siren loudly. So loud that I can not even hear myself in my subconscious dreams.
“Mei ling..are you ok???” A male voice keeps calling my name, concerning about my health. Yet, his calling wakes me up.
I open my eyes with a blurry vision.
“Why did you lie to me? How can u do that to us?” said Michael. His verbal expression was indeed a mix emotion expression. He look angry and sad, all at the same time.
By the tone of his voice, I can sense that Michael knows the truth. Knowing that I am diagnose with cancer.
I was sort of happy. More likely, I’m worry for the fact that he would feel guilty and won’t live a happy life after I leave him behind.
“Michael..Just leave me alone. It’s too late for sympathy now!” I yell at him on purpose, hoping to make him leave and go back to his loving family that he creates.
“I won’t leave u! Why did u lie to me? You know that you are sick and you wouldn’t let me be there for you. Why are you torturing both of us?!” Michael grabs my shoulder and pulls me closer to him. He hugged me real tight. So tight that I feel swoosh.
The way that he holds me in his arms, bring back the old memories. It was so tender and cozy that I just wish that moment last forever.
“I didn’t want you to feel the sadness that I felt and I don’t want u to witness the pain that I go through. I want you to move on with your life.” I told him the truth. I couldn’t help but sob on his shoulder. My tears wet his white shirt.
“You are wrong! I feel more pain without you. Do you know how much pain you’ve put me through since the day you walk out of my life and left me with all those unanswered questions?! I always ask myself why and what did I do wrong to deserve your change of heart. But now I found out the truth. How can I ever forgive myself??” Michael could feel all the pain in his heart torn apart. He realizes that ML did everything because of him. He had mistaken her as a heart betrayer.
“Michael..i’m sorry..so sorry….” Ml cried. She regret for letting him go
“I love you..I still love you ,mei ling..” Michael reminded me once again.
I felt so much comfort. After all, At least theres someone out there who still love me.
Michael tells me that he loves me. I was happy for a second. Too bad happiness seems to end quickly just like every party, party doesn’t go on forever.
I push Michael away from me. I remind him of his current family. How he shouldn’t tell me that he still loves me when he marry another, and have a daughter with her. I couldn’t blame him or feel resentment towards him. I can only blame myself.
“No need to feel sympathetic for me. I’m a grown woman now. I know how to take care of myself. Please don’t tell me you love me when you are already a father. I hope u can give me some respect and let me live my last days in peace.”
I tell him how I feel inside. I know my harsh words cut him deep, even deeper then his existing wounds. Soon or later, that wound of his will heal with time and he’ll forget me, forget a person name, ‘Mei Ling’.
My existing presence will be wash away like the ocean waves that wash away the name written on the sand.
Michael’s eye fills with unspeakable emotion. He looks like he wants to tell me something. As he moves his jaw to speak, a doctor walks in, interrupting us.
“Excuse me,” said the doctor
Michael pause and let the doctor finish, while his hands rest on top of mine.
“Sorry to interrupt, but you we need to come with us for An X-ray,”
I nod my head and get up right away. I follow the doctor and nurse outside.
Michael looks puzzle and confuse. He remains in the room and wait for my return.
The x-ray is done. I walk back to my room. Michael is still there. I didn’t want to come inside. I’m afraid that I’ll fall into his loving arms once again.
I decide to go for a walk. I need some fresh air. I sit behind the hospital backyard for more than 5 hrs.
The sun begins to set. I sit there gazing motionlessly at the orange red sky, sighing along with the chilly wind that passes by. I guess the sound of the cold wind blowing by is ‘Mother Nature’ mournful language, and she’s speaking to me, because she can feel my emptiness and solitude.
Suddenly, from behind there’s music playing from someone car and it is my favorite song, “I still believe”.
You look in my eyes
And I get emotional inside
I know it's crazy
But you still can touch my heart
And after all this time
You'd think that I
Wouldn't feel the same
But time melts into nothing
And nothing's changed
I still believe
Someday you and me
Will find ourselves in love again
I have a dream
Someday you and me
Will find ourselves in love again
Each day of my life
I'm filled with all the joy I could find
You know that I
I'm not the desperate type
If there’s one spark of hope
Left in my grasp
I'll be holding it with both hands
It's worth the risk of burning
To have a second chance
Someday you and me
Will find ourselves in love again
I turn around. Michael is standing infront of me with red roses in his hands.
It was him who plays the song for me. I’m really touched. I get so emotional and sensitive that I cry so hard. I couldn’t help the tears from shedding.
“I still believe that we can be together again. Please give me a second chance to love you and take care of you. I can’t go on another day knowing that the love of my life left me for something I didn’t do wrong. Will you marry me?”
Michael is on his knees proposing to me. I am speechless.
“How can I marry you when you are already married?” I question him carefully.
“What do you mean??” Michael ask me
“Your wife and your daughter….the one that I saw earlier…I heard her calling you daddy.”
“Oooohhh..you misunderstood me. She’s my bestfriend daughter. I’m her godfather. About that woman….she is Andy’s wife. Andy was busy so I have to give her a ride to school and take the mother to work” Michael laughs with a sense of humor. He shakes his head and look at me with the sweetest look, the kind that shows he’s happy because I’m jealous and still cares about him.
I can feel the blood from my body running up to my face, I BLUSH!
My stupidity makes me unreasonable and a jealous person. I wrongfully accused the person that I love.
His love for me really traps me this time, like a mouse trap in a cage after finding a piece of cheese. I finally made up my mind. I love him and he loves me. There is no point for us to live painfully away from each other when our hearts beat the same beat and feel the same feeling.
I nod my head shyly with a smile, “Yes”. I softly agree
This time I blush even harder. My cheeks are as red as an apple. I am extremely happy!
Michael jump up and hug me real tight. He squeezes me real hard..so hard that I couldn’t breath. Then he gently tilts his head down towards me and gives me the most unforgettable kiss. It was a commitment kiss, full of passion, affection and love. Nothing in this world can freeze this moment.
Even if the sky collapses on me, I wouldn’t any pain because my heart had finally taste the meaning of TRUE LOVE. I am bless and the luckiest girl in this whole wide world. I have the most amazing man in my life.
Part 4
Michael and I went back to his place. I can not believe my eyes. Michael lives in a big mansion, up on the desolate mountains. He conquers all the spaces and privacies all to himself.
“Since when did you buy this big mansion?” I ask him
With a slightly smirk on his face. He said, “I work my way up. I open quite a few Optical stores In HK and Canada.” He fold his arms and wink at me, showing how successfulness.
The wedding day is finally here. We invite all of our friends and relatives. His parents from Canada also attend the wedding. I must admit, they are the sweetest and loving parents.
Our wedding ceremony is held in the backyard. Michael lives in a mansion; therefore, we have plenty of spaces to decorate the wedding scenario with.
There are white roses hanging from the brick wall. The whole backyard is decorated with roses, balloons and white candles. We have a live band playing love songs with their instruments. It was a romantic environment. I couldn’t ask for more.
I have on this beautiful custom made white dress. My hair is half up with luxurious hair accessories, and the rest falls on my back with little curls and glitters on it. The glitters bring out a twinkling sparks to show a little in-style fashion and the beauty of my hair to match with my glamorous dress.
Michael has on this white suit. He’s tall and very well-fit, which is extremely flattering and pleasant to look at. His hair is gel back, showing his perfect manly features. He has his hands tuck in his pockets while waiting for me down the aisle. His thick posture and bright smile highlights his most unique personality, bringing out his suave characteristic.
I notice that most of the single girls admire him from afar. But he’s my husband-to-be. I’m very fortunate.
The priest asks us to exchange our vows and I do’s.
Michael slides the diamond ring into my finger and I did the same to his.
“I’ll love you forever.” He softly reassures me, and gives me his precious smile. He then gently kisses me on my lips to seal his promises and commitment.
WE ARE NOW HUSBAND AND WIFE!
The audience claps and cheers for this wonderful moment. And so I cry in return for an exchange of this happiness. If I have a choice to cry these happy tears forever, then I wouldn’t mind at all. I wouldn’t complain a bit!
After the wedding, everyone quietly leave the ceremony. They know better not to interrupt us.
“Are you ready?” My husband winks at me with his flirtatious look
I roll my eyes with embarrassment. I pretend I didn’t know what he was talking about. I walk away from him.
He grabs my hands and pulls me back into his arms and lifts me up.
“We should do our Honey Moon tonight!” He smile mischievously and carry me up to our room. I wrap my arms around his neck while my head rest upon his rock hard chest.
My husband gently laid my weightless body on his cotton soft bed.
“Let me go start the bubble bath and lit the candles.” He offers
I nod my head and smile again. I couldn’t help smiling the whole day.
I get out of my bed and play my other favorite love songs, If only for one night. I dim the lights to make it a little more romantic.
My husband approaches me from behind with his hands ties around my hourglass waist. He uses his hands to move my body along with the melody.
With his lips pressing against my ears, he sings along with the song….
Let me hold u tight…
If only for one night…
Let me keep u near….
To ease away your fears
It would be so nice
If only for one night…
The moment was so tense. I lost control of myself. I was head over heel inlove with my husband.
Smoothly, his hands move away from waist and travel up between the valleys of my chest. He then unbuttons my apparel and kiss the back of my neck. His kiss is so gentle that it tickles me to my spine.
He turns me around, facing him.
“Lets go shower together..” He invites me.
I didn’t respond back because he already knew the answers.
We bath together and romantically exchange our bodies.
LOVE YOU ONE THOUSAND YEARS
(The continuation……..Part 2)
My husband (Michael) and I live together happily. Our baby girl is now five years old.
He names our daughter after me, Barbara Mei lai. The only difference is, I’m Mei Ling and she’s Mei Lai (My le), meaning ‘Beautiful’.
He told me that the name ‘Barbara, My lai’ suits my daughter best, because I pass on my beauty to her and it simply implies, “Beautiful Barbara”. My daughter is me and I am her.
Coincidentally, my daughter is born on May 7, and May 7 happens to be my birth date.
My husband usually tells me that we look identical when it comes to our facial structure. My daughter looks 100% just like me. Her eyes are the dreamiest features on her face. Anyone who looks into her eyes can easily be mesmerized by it. Her smile is peacefully sweet and pure, purer than any filter spring water.
Even though she’s only five, but she’s a smart girl. She knows what she wants and needs. Therefore, I don’t have to worry that much when I’m gone.
Day by day, my illnesses got worsen. I have to go check up every day with my husband by my side.
My skin is more pale than usual. I often cough with blood. I tend to pass out every now and then. Yet, I try my best to push my last few days with my family.
On this sunny day, my family and I decide to barbeque in our backyard.
I’m responsible for the hot dogs and hamburger. My husband and my daughter swim the sunny day away in our pool.
I’m watching my daughter, Mei Lai, swimming in the pool with her dad. The smile from both of them is what I cherish the most. They look so out of this world and bless with everything they do.
Michael is such a good husband and dad. I love how he plays with his daughter. He looks just like a kid trap in an adult body when it comes to playtime with Mei lai.
Suddenly, I can feel the aching inside my bone ripping me apart and my breath is short.
Just what I have expects, my vision become blurry. I faint right onto the ground.
“Hunni!!are you ok??” My husband shakes my hands trying to wake me up.
I can hear him calling me at first, but then his voice begins to fade slowly.
I become unconscious.
THE NEXT DAY:
I open my eyes. My daughter is sleeping beside me, my right shoulder. Her tiny legs rest on my body and her thumb is in her mouth, she is sucking her thumb. Her left arm is hugging her teddy bear, the teddy bear that Michael and I got for her from our vacation to Disney World. She looks so comfortable and free, just like what an innocent five years old should be.
I turn to my right, my husband is sleeping helplessly. Even though he is deep in his sleep, but his arms is still wrapping around my body.
With my princess on my left side and husband on my right side, I feel so much love. I didn’t want to let go at all. Never!
I let out a big sigh, it was from sadness. The love from my daughter and husband really make me want to stay here and live with them until eternity. I volunteer not to leave this happy place and go elsewhere, where I’m all alone.
All by myself, strain in the lonely darkness is very scary. The thought really stab me deep, even deeper than the deepest ocean. There is no depth to it.
I cry quietly, hoping my husband and daughter will not hear me. I don’t want them to feel heart pain. I prefer to take all the pain secretly.
My tears keep rolling down my cheeks, wetting my pillow. My nose becomes stuffy, and so I sniff.
My sniff wakes him up. He looks into my red puffy eyes.
“Hunni..It’s going to be ok.. No matter what happens..You’ll always have me and our daughter. I love you soooo much that it hurt to see you cry.”
He turns to me and wipes my tears away. From his sad face, I can feel the strong vibe; he’s feeling the pain as well. I know my husband doesn’t want to let me go neither.
“Michael, I don’t want to leave you and our baby behind. I really want to witness her growing up and finish college and..and….” I sob painfully. I can’t go on anymore. I just hush myself and close my eyes. I fall back into his chest and remain quiet.
It was no use to speak the unspeakable hope. Everything will just vanish, just like me, one day.
May 7..
Today is my daughter’s birthday and mine too. We didn’t have a big birthday party because I’m too sick to get out of my bed and my hair is starting to fall out.
My daughter is a good girl, she didn’t whine either. She cooperates very well.
I went downstairs on my wheelchair. My husband is helping me by pushing the wheelchair. I didn’t have any strength left.
Michael bake us 2 birthday cakes, it was in a shape of a heart. He said that it’s better if he actually bake it then buy it. He wants to bake the cake with love.
The surface of the cake says, “Happy Birthday my beautiful wife. I love you”
The other one says, “Happy 6th birthday my little Pumpkin. Love mom&dad”
“Michael, this is so sweet. Every birthday with you is so unforgettable. Thank you ,hunni. Thank you so much for making me the happiest wife in the world..” I give him a kiss on his cheeks and he smile passionately at me.
“look!! look !!mommy and daddy is kissing…ewwwww” My daughter give us a gross puppy face with her eye brow twitching.
We just laugh it off. She’s so cute. I bet one of these days, she will be kissing her husband too.
We ask the maid to take a picture of us and record it on tape.
This week drags by slow. The doctor said that my time is up. My bone marrow makes too many blast cells (immature white blood cells). My normal blast cells turn into a type of white blood cell called granulocytes.
At the same time, the marrow cannot grow enough normal red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets. Therefore, my time is up. I only have one more day to spare with my loving husband and daughter.